1 00:00:04,962 --> 00:00:07,673 I say this because i love you. 2 00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:11,928 Your big head makes you look like a puppet. 3 00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:20,228 -What do you think of my eyes? -They require extensive operations. 4 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:24,982 When you see the white of the eye all the way around then you look crazy. 5 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:27,818 I say that with love. 6 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,613 -Doll head. -Crazy eyes. 7 00:00:34,158 --> 00:00:37,078 I don't think... I can't believe she... 8 00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:41,999 So your mom called? 9 00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:47,713 A message from her and I'm going crazy. 10 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:50,842 Can you see the white of the eye all the way around? 11 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:54,762 He's standing here, Will. 12 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:58,099 Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Despicable. 13 00:00:58,182 --> 00:01:04,313 Now I will return to a world with people of normal head size. 14 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:08,109 He's standing here, Jack. 15 00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:13,406 How many verses she left on the answering machine? 16 00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:21,163 I come to town for lunch and I have Andy Felner with me 17 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:28,212 - She's going to set me up with someone again. - This one might be cute. 18 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:33,217 He must be better than the guy from www.trevligajudiskakiropraktorer.com. 19 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:38,181 I doubt that. I have been at camp with Andy Felner. 20 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,225 We played "Noak's Ark" three years in a row. 21 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:46,981 And three years in a row Andy got to play marmot number two. 22 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,359 His only retort was… 23 00:01:52,236 --> 00:01:55,865 -Who did you play? -Noak's wife. 24 00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:57,783 Who did you sleep with to get that role? 25 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,536 I was eleven years old. 26 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:06,000 But I heavily kissed yak number one behind the cafeteria. 27 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,462 If you've tried yak, you're hooked. 28 00:02:23,955 --> 00:02:28,126 Look, they have it! Cher! 29 00:02:39,471 --> 00:02:45,602 Cher...? I don't think so. She's completely out. 30 00:02:46,728 --> 00:02:48,730 i love you 31 00:02:53,151 --> 00:02:56,780 Ole, dole, Britney! 32 00:03:06,915 --> 00:03:09,584 We met in Soho. Gay Pride? 33 00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:13,088 - Wigstock. - Now I remember. 34 00:03:13,171 --> 00:03:14,881 -In a cage? -On a box. 35 00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:18,760 Vodka? Now I remember it well. 36 00:03:21,888 --> 00:03:24,099 - See you. -Yes. 37 00:03:29,354 --> 00:03:34,943 Come on, Jack. We have to pull... - What are you staring at? 38 00:03:36,570 --> 00:03:40,490 Have you never seen one? with money and soap? 39 00:03:42,659 --> 00:03:44,494 Come again. The break is over. 40 00:03:44,578 --> 00:03:48,707 I don't want to study anymore. I improvise at the Migration Agency. 41 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:52,294 No, you have to convince them that you are a married couple. 42 00:03:52,377 --> 00:03:58,216 Otherwise, she gets to ladle up the stew out of a bucket on a dusty football field. 43 00:04:00,302 --> 00:04:04,931 Listen to me! In my home country I was a teacher. 44 00:04:05,015 --> 00:04:10,395 Yes, but in this country do you wash my bras 45 00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:19,738 - There are people like you on the street! -I can crush you! 46 00:04:21,531 --> 00:04:28,538 -Don't let them take my sunshine, Jack. -I love my mother. 47 00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:41,218 What are you doing, Grace? 48 00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:46,431 You look like the guy on the street who was trying to sell his toothbrush. 49 00:04:46,515 --> 00:04:51,937 I am preparing my speech. My mother should not be allowed to rule my life anymore. 50 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:58,819 I'm sorry your mother is hurting you so much pain, but look at it this way: 51 00:04:59,861 --> 00:05:03,115 It is very entertaining to me. 52 00:05:05,742 --> 00:05:08,370 Is it of any help? 53 00:05:08,453 --> 00:05:15,168 You don't understand this because you have a normal, repressed mother. 54 00:05:16,545 --> 00:05:21,174 -Can't you support me a little? -Sorry. 55 00:05:21,258 --> 00:05:25,220 Support can be beautiful. I am here for you. 56 00:05:26,555 --> 00:05:30,684 It feels good. I feel calm and ready. 57 00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:34,813 -Can we go now? -Late. The mothership has landed. 58 00:05:38,066 --> 00:05:41,611 Mother! 59 00:05:41,695 --> 00:05:45,824 You know that parade only exist in your head? 60 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:54,332 - You are, as always, a sight! -You are so delicious that they could eat you! 61 00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,961 It was really nice for me. 62 00:05:58,045 --> 00:06:01,423 -How is my favorite daughter? -Hey, mom. 63 00:06:01,506 --> 00:06:04,384 She's not really my favorite. 64 00:06:04,468 --> 00:06:08,221 I tell all my daughters that. 65 00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:14,102 How's "Music Man" going? Dad said it's opening soon. 66 00:06:14,186 --> 00:06:20,817 "Music Person". I have the main role as Professor Carol Hill. 67 00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:27,949 If it's half as good as your role as Millie Loman, so… 68 00:06:31,536 --> 00:06:36,666 This is going to be so exciting. Andy and Grace were camping together. 69 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:41,463 - Groundhog number two... -Yes, he was good. 70 00:06:44,132 --> 00:06:47,219 He is here. - Andy! 71 00:06:47,302 --> 00:06:51,973 We're sitting over here. Hello! You remember Grace right? 72 00:06:52,057 --> 00:06:55,102 Hi Grace. 73 00:06:55,185 --> 00:06:59,022 This is Will. Sit down. 74 00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:04,736 -Andy's mother called last week... -No, mom! 75 00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:11,034 First I have to say one thing. It has nothing to do with you, Andy. 76 00:07:19,918 --> 00:07:22,671 Since the beginning of time... 77 00:07:25,882 --> 00:07:30,637 ...has parents and children woven a carpet 78 00:07:30,721 --> 00:07:35,517 -of the twin threads dependent and independence. 79 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,271 Hurry up, Grace. I'm approaching fifty. 80 00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:50,866 Okay, mom. What I'm trying to say is… 81 00:07:54,619 --> 00:08:00,876 - I think you're a great guy. - I think you're a great girl. 82 00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,211 -Grace... -Let me get to the point. 83 00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:10,761 How often do we have to go through this? Andy is good, but he's not for me 84 00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:14,056 No, he's here to see Will. 85 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:29,780 Well... What a disappointment. 86 00:08:30,822 --> 00:08:35,952 Excuse us. - Grace, accompany you to the chutney bar. 87 00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:38,372 I don't like chutney. 88 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:45,045 Your mother won't pair me up with someone. 89 00:08:45,128 --> 00:08:49,508 I know this is embarrassing, but look at it this way: 90 00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:53,303 It is very entertaining to me. 91 00:08:55,222 --> 00:09:00,560 - I don't, Grace. - I understand that. Just one thing... 92 00:09:00,644 --> 00:09:03,647 Explain to mom how hard it is. 93 00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:07,651 She believes in you, for she has not given birth to you. 94 00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:13,365 Then maybe she realizes how bad she is on fixing people up and leaving. 95 00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:17,619 Please, please... 96 00:09:19,204 --> 00:09:24,584 I'm not going to win this. Okay, a date. 97 00:09:24,668 --> 00:09:30,882 Now I might get an answer to the question how much wood a marmot chews. 98 00:09:36,930 --> 00:09:41,893 What are we doing here? I miss "Nash Bridges". 99 00:09:43,437 --> 00:09:47,190 You paired up Will and Andy- 100 00:09:47,274 --> 00:09:52,654 -so now you have to be here and see when your work bears fruit. 101 00:09:52,738 --> 00:09:58,702 We shouldn't be here. Think about them starts pawing, nibbling and slobbering. 102 00:10:00,662 --> 00:10:07,419 Can you come with me to my therapist? He thinks I'm fantasizing about you. 103 00:10:10,172 --> 00:10:15,969 What are they up to these days? Is it still Judy? 104 00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:25,354 -What are you smiling at? -You think you're good at this. 105 00:10:25,437 --> 00:10:29,983 You set me up with Stanley Fink who was an undertaker. 106 00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:35,155 Scott Barkey had to touch everything ten times - and smell it. 107 00:10:36,198 --> 00:10:40,535 -Stanley Fink wasn't too bad. - He was an undertaker. 108 00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:45,457 He took in dead people, then he cooked ribs for me. 109 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:50,087 But why should you listen to me? We hear what Will has to say. 110 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:53,924 Then you might understand why I'm smiling. 111 00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:59,137 What a lovely marmot! 112 00:11:09,064 --> 00:11:15,487 -What does Jack's father, Rosario, do? -He makes people feel bad. 113 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:20,951 - We don't have time to play! - She's right. 114 00:11:21,993 --> 00:11:26,707 -You go in first, Rosario. -I need some water. 115 00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:30,711 Are you sneaking a rock of salt? 116 00:11:34,339 --> 00:11:39,136 There my whole world disappears. My everything. 117 00:11:39,219 --> 00:11:43,890 - She's just a maid. -"Just a maid"...? 118 00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:50,397 It's like saying that Prada is just shoes. 119 00:11:54,818 --> 00:11:59,740 -Now you are exaggerating. -Don't you understand that she... 120 00:12:02,409 --> 00:12:07,372 I will tell you one thing which I have not told anyone. 121 00:12:07,456 --> 00:12:10,417 Rosario is my mother. 122 00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:15,255 -She's not your mother. -Okay, she's not my mother. 123 00:12:16,298 --> 00:12:22,179 But no one else is as good at it to remove red wine stains like she. 124 00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:31,521 She arranges everything. The medicine cabinet are arranged in alphabetical order... 125 00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:34,775 She is my friend. 126 00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,943 She is not your friend. 127 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:49,790 Oh my god, she's your friend. Wow, genuine feelings. 128 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,711 are you ok 129 00:12:54,795 --> 00:12:59,299 Leave everything to me. Nothing will go wrong. 130 00:12:59,383 --> 00:13:03,595 Then Mr. and Mrs. MacFarland can come in 131 00:13:04,763 --> 00:13:07,808 -Oh no... -Yes...! 132 00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,437 I remember him. 133 00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:20,696 My ex-boyfriend was like that who fixed people together. 134 00:13:21,738 --> 00:13:25,033 I called him "my old ex". 135 00:13:26,076 --> 00:13:30,539 Hello. Sorry to disturb. My lock jams. 136 00:13:30,622 --> 00:13:35,752 Can you do that trick? Tap-smack-wiggle, you know. 137 00:13:37,087 --> 00:13:41,717 I regret that you were forced to listen to that. 138 00:13:45,512 --> 00:13:47,389 -Tap-slap-wiggle? - It was a code. 139 00:13:47,472 --> 00:13:49,433 Are you twelve? 140 00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:54,438 -You betrayed me. -Go to bed. 141 00:13:54,521 --> 00:14:00,193 You would put my mother in her place, not have a nice evening with someone. 142 00:14:00,277 --> 00:14:07,909 -You have ruined my master plan! -Who do you think you are?! 143 00:14:08,952 --> 00:14:13,248 - I like him, Grace. -Stop it! 144 00:14:13,331 --> 00:14:19,421 You don't even know him. He was useless at ball games. 145 00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:22,799 He showered with his underpants on. 146 00:14:22,883 --> 00:14:26,803 And he threw up the whole cabin. 147 00:14:28,555 --> 00:14:32,309 But of course Will has to find his good side. 148 00:14:33,477 --> 00:14:36,646 When did you become so mean? 149 00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:42,486 This is about me, not about you. 150 00:14:42,569 --> 00:14:47,240 If you have problems with it then you can start medication. 151 00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:51,953 Now I go in and have a glass of wine. 152 00:14:52,037 --> 00:14:56,458 If all goes well, maybe it will be a little knock-smack-wiggle. 153 00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:06,426 Didn't you know he worked here? You don't learn anything in gay school? 154 00:15:09,221 --> 00:15:12,015 What kind of music does your husband like? 155 00:15:12,099 --> 00:15:16,353 When have do rump-robics he listens to N'Sync. 156 00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:24,986 For spinning he drives old goodies, like Frankie Goes to Hollywood. 157 00:15:28,031 --> 00:15:31,743 And where did you meet? Let me guess... Boybar? 158 00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:37,082 I don't know what you are talking about. It was a blind date at Arby's. 159 00:15:38,291 --> 00:15:42,796 Now we stop pretending. I got further with your husband than you. 160 00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:45,590 You are going back to El Salvador. 161 00:15:45,674 --> 00:15:48,844 My God! They send her back. 162 00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:52,723 No, they don't! 163 00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:57,269 Nobody's going anywhere! How dare you imply that the marriage is a sham? 164 00:15:57,352 --> 00:15:59,730 You are gay. 165 00:16:00,772 --> 00:16:04,901 Just because you sleep with guys? 166 00:16:08,155 --> 00:16:11,116 I will tell you about when I met Rosario. 167 00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:16,538 I looked into those big brown eyes... 168 00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:22,919 - Then I realized what love is. -You gentle! 169 00:16:24,838 --> 00:16:31,636 Rosario, my love, my life, my everything...i adore you. 170 00:16:43,815 --> 00:16:45,567 Dear someone... 171 00:16:46,651 --> 00:16:50,947 One should not look, but I feel a morbid fascination. 172 00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:02,334 This was probably yours, honey. 173 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:11,051 I have seen desperate people, but this comes at a price. 174 00:17:12,094 --> 00:17:16,890 You are approved. See you in six months. We have never met. 175 00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:24,231 We made it! You were amazing. And the light in my life is back. 176 00:17:24,314 --> 00:17:31,238 Sometimes you don't realize how much you miss something until it's too late. 177 00:17:31,321 --> 00:17:35,117 I have a Chanel suit at the dry cleaners. I miss it! 178 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:39,705 They close in an hour. Speed ​​up! 179 00:17:41,039 --> 00:17:43,458 "Mui caliente"... 180 00:17:49,881 --> 00:17:54,845 Sorry for any interruptions. I promise, Grace is not coming back. 181 00:17:54,928 --> 00:18:01,226 Should we watch TV, or should we save it for when the topics of conversation are boring? 182 00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:09,818 There is something wrong with the door. The chain is on. 183 00:18:09,901 --> 00:18:13,071 I couldn't weld it back on. 184 00:18:14,573 --> 00:18:21,204 -Hello, hello, hello... -You, Francis! 185 00:18:21,288 --> 00:18:26,543 -What is our most important rule? -No white belts? 186 00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:31,757 Wrong! It is: God help that girl that comes between me and my guy. 187 00:18:33,383 --> 00:18:38,472 I can hear you, even though I'm not a superhero. 188 00:18:38,555 --> 00:18:41,558 This feels strange. I'm going now. 189 00:18:41,641 --> 00:18:44,853 - This is going fast. - She has a problem. 190 00:18:44,936 --> 00:18:50,150 Find out what it is and call me tomorrow from a safe place. 191 00:18:56,281 --> 00:18:58,116 Absolutely incredible. 192 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:04,831 Don't blame me. If you had stuck to the plan… 193 00:19:04,915 --> 00:19:08,919 I don't want to hear any more about your plan! 194 00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:12,214 If you had told mom that you hate Andy... 195 00:19:12,297 --> 00:19:15,050 I don't hate Andy. I like Andy. 196 00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:20,347 Humphrey Bogart liked Ingrid, but he still turned his back on her. 197 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:25,394 Have you received a severe electric shock? 198 00:19:26,395 --> 00:19:33,151 If you had only followed the program, formerly known as the Great Plan- 199 00:19:33,235 --> 00:19:35,779 - then mother had stopped nagging! 200 00:19:35,862 --> 00:19:38,699 Did your mother fix you up during the time she was here? 201 00:19:38,782 --> 00:19:43,370 Has she said anything about it? Is it even on the map? 202 00:19:43,453 --> 00:19:46,790 -No! -Then what is the problem?! 203 00:19:46,873 --> 00:19:50,669 She has stopped hook me up with guys! 204 00:19:55,465 --> 00:20:01,763 That is something like you and your mother must speak of. 205 00:20:02,806 --> 00:20:05,892 How did you get this crazy? 206 00:20:08,353 --> 00:20:10,397 We'll probably never know... 207 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,943 - I made him wait down there! -Thanks! 208 00:20:19,114 --> 00:20:23,076 -Have you given up hope on me? - I don't know what you're talking about. 209 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:29,583 -Why don't you fix me up? -You asked me to stop doing it. 210 00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:35,380 I've been saying that since you snuck in bra pads in my school band uniform. 211 00:20:35,464 --> 00:20:38,717 -What has changed? -I'm listening. 212 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:44,890 - You're a mother, you shouldn't listen! -What do you want me to do, then? 213 00:20:46,308 --> 00:20:51,021 Don't set me up with guys, but you should want to do it. 214 00:20:51,104 --> 00:20:55,817 I don't want to go out with those guys that you want me to go out with. 215 00:20:58,111 --> 00:21:02,616 That swamp land do you have after your grandmother. 216 00:21:04,451 --> 00:21:08,872 Whatever you said I promise to try. 217 00:21:09,873 --> 00:21:11,458 Thanks, mom. 218 00:21:11,541 --> 00:21:14,002 Gays are so much easier. 219 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:26,619 - I'm terribly sorry - I'm sorry to... 220 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:32,375 I haven't done anything wrong! You have trained me so well. 221 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,503 Come here. 222 00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:41,884 Do you feel something when you hug? 223 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:49,767 If you did, it would my life so much easier, Will.